What a difference one week makes.
Last Monday, I found Ian's dad on Facebook. There he was, plain as day. A former co-worker had friended me there, and after thinking it over for a couple of days (and one message from her that said, "Hey, remember me...") I friended her. There he was in her Friends list, in plain sight.
I debated - Do I? Don't I? Should I? I was praying for civility but expecting a brush off when I clicked the send button on the short message I composed. The message consisted of... "Hi. It's been a while since we've talked. (Read ten years.) I'd really appreciate it if we could talk soon." That was it. The message.
I got my boy ready for his baseball game, and we didn't get home until close to 8:30 that night. To find five messages from his dad, asking me to contact me. Here is my cell number. Here is my home number.
While I was reading his messages, he opened up a chat in Facebook and said hello. I was literally shaking in my chair. We talked. I cried. Ian was in the living room watching television and I was in the kitchen speaking to his dad. He asked me to call him after I put Ian to bed, and I said I would. We talked for three hours.
On Tuesday, I spoke with Chris during the day. He'd talked to his daughter about Ian, and they both wanted to speak with Ian on the phone. They called that night. Ian is over the moon. He's really, really handling this well, but I think he's a bit shell-shocked, to be honest. I spoke with Chris, then handed the phone to Ian. While he was talking to his dad, Chris' daughter Kylie found me on FB and friended me then started chatting with me, asking if Ian had a FB page, and would I make him one so they could talk. Ian asked to speak to his sister, so Chris and I started chatting on FB. Later, before bed, I was speaking again to Chris on the phone and Ian brought my laptop into my room, where he was chatting with his sister. It was one of the most surreal moments in my life.
On Wednesday, Chris and Kylie showed up at Ian's baseball game. Chris and I had planned on going out to dinner on Friday, so we could see each other and I could emotionally prepare myself for Chris and Ian meeting. But Kylie was to be with her mom this weekend, and she didn't want her dad to meet her brother before she got the chance to. Again, I shook. I had to work the concession stand that night, and it was a darn good thing - I needed the distraction. They came back to the house after the game, and Ian and Kylie were as thick as thieves. For our part, it felt like those ten years disappeared, like we were never apart. I don't know how that happened, but it just did.
On Thursday there was another phone call. On Friday there was dinner and drinks for Chris and I. We talked. We connected. We talked some more. He came back to the house and we watched a movie with Ian and my sister. Ian asked his dad to sleep over, and he agreed. (He and I had already agreed.) Chris helped me put Ian to bed. In the morning, they played Wii. That night, Chris came to dinner. He brought new smoke alarms for the house, ingredients for a sausage dip for my sister to try, and a WWII book and Playstation 2 game for Ian.
On Sunday, Chris called me at 9:30 in the morning, asking if I would bring Ian over for the day. I didn't pick him up until almost 8:00 that night.
In one week, Ian went from never seeing his dad to having one, to meeting and hanging out with a sister he never knew about (I'd told him, but he didn't remember), to making camping plans and being given a new bike (Chris bought Ian a new bike because all the kids on his street were riding theirs and Ian didn't have one) and the hint that he might be getting a gun for Christmas.
In one week, I went from being a single mom raising a child on her own, worrying and wondering and hoping and dreading the day Ian would meet his dad, to being amazed at learning all the mannerisms my son has that come from his dad, knowing he looks even more like his sister than I thought possible, to knowing that I'm no longer his only parent. To realizing all the forms that now have to be filled out with Chris' information for the next school year...
One fucking week has changed my life forever.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Too Good To Be True... Or Is It?
I took my son to my parents today for a visit with my mom for Mother's Day. While she was opening her cards, she reached out, swatted my dad on the arm and said, "Tell her the good news."
Late last year my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was a small lesion on the perimeter of his upper, left lobe that grew before treatment could begin. He was initially told he wasn't a candidate for surgery, but a different doctor told him he was. The day before he was to be operated on, he was told the surgery was canceled; his other medical conditions made surgery too risky. An entire month had been wasted on tests and x-rays only to have the same conclusion drawn. A month when he could have been receiving treatment but was instead becoming more and more stressed out.
In the end, the month wasn't entirely wasted; we learned of another condition that my father had that we had to worry about. Luckily, it's a treatable condition.
So, my mom swatted my dad, and my dad turned to me, smiled, and began telling me that he'd an appointment today with his doctor at the cancer center to review the x-rays that had been taken on Monday. In the radiologist's report it was noted that the tumor appeared to have been removed surgically. No more tumor. NO MORE TUMOR!!
This was only the preliminary report. My dad will have more tests, including an MRI and PET Scan.
My dad hadn't been a candidate for surgery, the best course of treatment for cancer. Neither had he been a candidate for chemotherapy. He was left with radiation. Not the best option, but the best one available to him. And it worked!
I cried when he told me. I cried when I called my sister to tell her and cried harder when she started crying. I hugged my dad and cried. I hugged my mom and we cried together.
Any one of us could die at any moment, for any reason. Just because my dad is, for the moment, cancer free does not mean his other health issues can be brushed aside. But it means that, for this moment at least, that my dad will not be dying of cancer.
Thank you, Jesus, for hearing and answering our prayers. I owe ya.
Late last year my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was a small lesion on the perimeter of his upper, left lobe that grew before treatment could begin. He was initially told he wasn't a candidate for surgery, but a different doctor told him he was. The day before he was to be operated on, he was told the surgery was canceled; his other medical conditions made surgery too risky. An entire month had been wasted on tests and x-rays only to have the same conclusion drawn. A month when he could have been receiving treatment but was instead becoming more and more stressed out.
In the end, the month wasn't entirely wasted; we learned of another condition that my father had that we had to worry about. Luckily, it's a treatable condition.
So, my mom swatted my dad, and my dad turned to me, smiled, and began telling me that he'd an appointment today with his doctor at the cancer center to review the x-rays that had been taken on Monday. In the radiologist's report it was noted that the tumor appeared to have been removed surgically. No more tumor. NO MORE TUMOR!!
This was only the preliminary report. My dad will have more tests, including an MRI and PET Scan.
My dad hadn't been a candidate for surgery, the best course of treatment for cancer. Neither had he been a candidate for chemotherapy. He was left with radiation. Not the best option, but the best one available to him. And it worked!
I cried when he told me. I cried when I called my sister to tell her and cried harder when she started crying. I hugged my dad and cried. I hugged my mom and we cried together.
Any one of us could die at any moment, for any reason. Just because my dad is, for the moment, cancer free does not mean his other health issues can be brushed aside. But it means that, for this moment at least, that my dad will not be dying of cancer.
Thank you, Jesus, for hearing and answering our prayers. I owe ya.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
On Belief...
I was born and raised a Catholic. I'm raising my son as a Catholic, as well. Am I religious? Not especially, no. Do I believe and follow everything the Catholic Church teaches? Outside of religious doctrine - no. The purpose of the papacy, for example was to continue spreading the word of Jesus throughout the world. And throughout the last two thousand years (making it the world's oldest organization), it has done precisely that. By far, I believe the Catholic Church has done far more good than bad for the world.
The church's main job, in my opinion, is to continue teaching the world about Jesus. Along the way, it felt itself important enough to tell us how to live our lives. In as how to live the way Christ wants us to live, yes, that should be included. The Church points to the Ten Commandments, first. But if you look at almost every civilization, no matter where and when on the world time line, there is a code of conduct that every civilization followed. Don't kill. Respect your elders. Don't take what isn't yours, and don't want what isn't yours to the point it's going to make you do something stupid - either be content with what you have or work harder for something more. Does it say premarital sex is bad? No, it says honor your commitments. Does it say birth control is wrong? No. And I am sure there have been methods of birth control being practiced since women learned to walk and talk.
However, lest us forget, the Catholic organization is made up of men, and no man is perfect. There have been married popes, warrior popes and just plain bad popes. There have been horrific atrocities - the Crusades and Spanish Inquisition, to name but a few. Regarding the sexual abuse scandals being made around the world, what these men did is horrible, it is wrong, and the Church should own up to it's responsibility. Is it the Church's fault that some priests are pedophiles? No, it is not. It is wrong to let them stay in positions of trust, however. These abuses did not start in the 20th century. The only difference between now and five hundred years ago is that now people are no longer afraid of protecting themselves instead of the Church and are pointing fingers at priests for their wrongdoing.
It is hard to teach my son to respect the Church when it has lost so much respect for itself, but I still believe in the religion it teaches. I still believe in the sanctity of Sunday mass and the sacraments of penance and communion. The reason that Easter is my favorite holiday is because it is the most important in the Catholic religion - it is the reason for its very existence. The joy, the solemnity and the power of Christ all come together on Easter Sunday.
But I remind myself and my son that no one is perfect and everyone, including priests and even Popes, can and do, make mistakes. The words accountability and responsibility are big in my home. My son knows what they mean and how they should shape is actions and decisions. It's been a long time since I talked with my cousin, a Catholic priest, about his years in the seminary. They teach what the job of a priest is, but I wonder how much time is spent on HOW to do the job; how to hold yourself accountable, how to self-discipline yourself. How do you reaffirm and re-evaluate the choices you've made. Do priests now get continuing education? Do they still participate in retreats? I don't know. But I think it's important to find out. It is good to be held accountable for your actions. It's what the Catholic church teaches, after all. Self-determination.
And I'm still a Catholic.
The church's main job, in my opinion, is to continue teaching the world about Jesus. Along the way, it felt itself important enough to tell us how to live our lives. In as how to live the way Christ wants us to live, yes, that should be included. The Church points to the Ten Commandments, first. But if you look at almost every civilization, no matter where and when on the world time line, there is a code of conduct that every civilization followed. Don't kill. Respect your elders. Don't take what isn't yours, and don't want what isn't yours to the point it's going to make you do something stupid - either be content with what you have or work harder for something more. Does it say premarital sex is bad? No, it says honor your commitments. Does it say birth control is wrong? No. And I am sure there have been methods of birth control being practiced since women learned to walk and talk.
However, lest us forget, the Catholic organization is made up of men, and no man is perfect. There have been married popes, warrior popes and just plain bad popes. There have been horrific atrocities - the Crusades and Spanish Inquisition, to name but a few. Regarding the sexual abuse scandals being made around the world, what these men did is horrible, it is wrong, and the Church should own up to it's responsibility. Is it the Church's fault that some priests are pedophiles? No, it is not. It is wrong to let them stay in positions of trust, however. These abuses did not start in the 20th century. The only difference between now and five hundred years ago is that now people are no longer afraid of protecting themselves instead of the Church and are pointing fingers at priests for their wrongdoing.
It is hard to teach my son to respect the Church when it has lost so much respect for itself, but I still believe in the religion it teaches. I still believe in the sanctity of Sunday mass and the sacraments of penance and communion. The reason that Easter is my favorite holiday is because it is the most important in the Catholic religion - it is the reason for its very existence. The joy, the solemnity and the power of Christ all come together on Easter Sunday.
But I remind myself and my son that no one is perfect and everyone, including priests and even Popes, can and do, make mistakes. The words accountability and responsibility are big in my home. My son knows what they mean and how they should shape is actions and decisions. It's been a long time since I talked with my cousin, a Catholic priest, about his years in the seminary. They teach what the job of a priest is, but I wonder how much time is spent on HOW to do the job; how to hold yourself accountable, how to self-discipline yourself. How do you reaffirm and re-evaluate the choices you've made. Do priests now get continuing education? Do they still participate in retreats? I don't know. But I think it's important to find out. It is good to be held accountable for your actions. It's what the Catholic church teaches, after all. Self-determination.
And I'm still a Catholic.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
