I'm Annoyed

For the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be annoyed.  I'm going to be cranky and short-tempered and impatient.

Thirteen years ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). It was confirmed by MRI with my very first exacerbation. At that time, I was told I've a very mild case and in all likelihood, if I didn't tell anyone I have it, no one would guess. And in thirteen years, I've had four exacerbations. Four in thirteen years is a damn fine track record, let me tell you.

The first time, the right side of my face was partially numb. At first, my doctor thought it was Bells Palsy and referred me to a neurologist, where I was diagnosed with the MS. But that was it, just my face. Scary, to be sure. But it didn't hurt. It's not like I lost muscle use. It just felt like Novacain that hadn't totally worn off.

The second "flare up," as I call it, was the worst. I made it worse by freaking out about it, to be honest. My left leg was affected that time. I could still walk, it just felt weak and a little heavier than normal. I didn't notice anything was wrong until I went to pick up my foot to tie my shoe and I kept missing the handrail I was aiming for. (At the time, I worked in a health care facility where handrails were abundant). Four days later the ball of my left foot was a little numb, my shin was tingling, and I was a basket case. I was on neurological pain meds, sleeping pills and steroids. I swore I would never be like that again.

 Since then, I've learned how to manage and control myself. I no longer get mad at my body for not being able to keep up. I know I'll not be able to do marathon shopping sprees. I can't window shop. Other than that, not much stops me.

The third flare up affected my leg again, milder than the previous one. I didn't even see the neurologist. I didn't miss time from work.

This time is a little different because something new is involved, my arms. Let me stress this again. I've a very, VERY mild case. I'm typing, for instance. A small portion of my right hand feels slightly numb. My left arm feels a little weak. What I'm having a harder time with is fatigue, the most common and debilitating affect of MS. I'm tired. I'm really, really tired. In the past it's felt like I'd worked a 16-hr. shift by 10:00 am. I've been afraid to drive. This isn't as bad as that, but I'm tired.

What do I do? I rest. I have my books and my iPod and laptop and my bed and my recliner. I sometimes sleep, but mostly I read. I relax. Is this what I want to do? Fuck no. It's gorgeous outside! I want to start cleaning the flower beds. I want to clean the lawn furniture. I want to hose off the balcony. There are a thousand things I'd rather do than kick back in the recliner.

Had this happened in January, I'd have been happier than a pig in shit, so to speak. I'd have an excuse to stay put! Now, I'm irritated.

I know in a couple of weeks I'll feel fine, again. Until then, I'm not going to be quite myself.

You've been warned. ;)

me

PS. If you follow me on Twitter and start treating me differently, I'm going to unfollow your ass.

Daddy Update

First, I have to say Thank you. A million and one thank yous. To everyone who has asked on Twitter and has left a comment, you've been supportive and helpful and I'm amazed at your generous heart. My dad is constantly surprised when I tell him someone has asked about him, has said a prayer for him, is thinking of him. I know it sounds stupid and it's absurdly cliched, but my heart swells when you ask me about him, ask how he's doing. I keep everything locked up inside. I am more than willing and able to share happy news, but talking about painful things.... well, that's not me.

So here is an update to Dad.

Dad has half-way through his first round of radiation therapy; he has 18 more to go. Because of his other health issues, he is not able to receive high doses of radiation. This is why his first course is longer. Advance, retreat. Advance, retreat.

This is the honeymoon period of his cancer treatment, when he looks good and feels good and is optimistic. The reality of his cancer will hit us with the results of his tests after the first course has been completed.

I'm not expecting to hear the cancer is gone. I'm not expecting to hear there has been a marked decrease in size.

I'm praying that I hear the tumor hasn't grown. Stopping the growth is success, to me. You have to stop it before you can reverse it or kill it or get rid of it or whatever the correct terminology is. I only know I'm praying that I don't hear that it's bigger.

We've been spending a lot of time together, and I don't mean just the two of us. I mean my son makes a point to call them more often, even though we only live three blocks away. He sleeps at their house more often. (Granted, it's the only place he's allowed to go when he's grounded, but that's another story).

This past weekend I'd a dinner for my aunt's 79th birthday (his sister). The weather was perfect, the food was awesome (patting self on shoulder) and dessert, the birthday cake, goes by the name Spectacular Orange.

We sat around the dining room table long after the meal was finished and most of the cake, as well. We talked. We laughed. We played musical chairs as we moved from conversation to conversation. It was better than Christmas and Thanksgiving rolled into one because we were celebrating not just my aunt's birthday, but my dad being able to enjoy it, as well. (And yes, there was rum involved).

Easter breakfast and dinner will be at my house, and Daddy has already put in his request for dessert - a dry-bottom shoe-fly pie. (It's cake and pie in one. Don't knock it until you try it)! And since I've announced that instead of going out to dinner for birthdays, I'll have family dinners instead, my dad has also put in a request for his birthday dessert (his birthday is April 24). He wants a lemon sponge pie. (He likes pie).

I'm thankful that he's looking forward to things, and not just the test results.

Wordle

I'm a big fan of words. And Twitter. So, combining them makes me very, very happy :)

(You can click on the picture for a larger image).




This one is without names. Still fun to read!

Update - Please Read

Over the past few weeks, I've seen an explosion of new activity to my blog for which I am tremendously grateful. My readership has gone through the roof, and I am humbled by the attention the blog has been receiving.

However, I realize not all my readers want to read my stories or wade through the story entries to get to my personal updates. It is for this reason that I have created a new blog. On here, I will post entries about me - boring or mundane as they may be.

I hope you enjoy what you read; I hope it gives you some insight as to who I am and what interests me. Please feel free to leave a comment, if you'd like.

And as always, you can find me on Twitter; my username is @daria67

Control

My dad has lung cancer.

It's hard just writing that sentence, but it's even harder living with what it means. When he was first diagnosed, we were told that surgery wasn't an option given his other medical issues; neither was chemotherapy. But since the tumor is small, we were told, radiation was a good option and there was a high probability that he'd recover completely.  It seemed as if all of his other medical issues were so much worse than the cancer, that the cancer would be a walk in the park.  That's how the doctors made is sound - treatable, with a high probably of full recovery. In contrast, his congestive heart failure and diabetes were much more to be concerned about.

Superbowl Afterthoughts

Just like everyone else last night, I tuned in to watch the Superbowl. I love football, and it doesn't matter which teams are playing (usually). I love the game - the frustrations, the big plays, the turnovers and upsets, the rushing, the passing, the blocking, the Quarterback Sneak and the Hail Mary pass. All of it. Don't get me wrong, I'd like for the Philadelphia Eagles to win the Superbowl just one time, it's just I've pretty much given up hope that Donovan McNabb is going to take us there. But I digress...

Recipe for Chicken Rice Soup

The are very few things I like about cold weather. Football is one. Cuddling on the sofa while watching football is another. If there is soup, it's a winning day, no matter what!