Hello and Happy New Year!
So much has been happened the second half of last year, and it's been ages and ages since I've updated anything here, that I think now would be a good time to update.
My family:
As most know, my dad has health issues. I'm glad to report that, while his health isn't great, he's holding steady. We had a major scare over Thanksgiving; we thought we were going to lose him. He's recovering and slowly getting stronger, thank God. I wrote him a letter this year for Christmas, telling him that he is my hero and the person I look up to most. He's taught me two important lessons: a.) family is everything, and b.) accept that life that God has given you, then strive and work hard to make it better. It is hard to not want more, to wish to have things differently. It is sometimes very, very hard to accept "your lot in life," so to speak. That doesn't mean it can't be changed, but it starts with accepting where you are.
My son is getting so big! He now has braces. And a dad. After a few rocky months, he is connecting with his dad and sister, and I couldn't be happier. Personally, that chapter of my life is closed; but I'm encouraging them to spend time together and get to know each other. The three of them love guns. In fact, Christmas weekend they were cleaning guns together. The family that shoots together.... yeah, whatever. I like guns, but I won't own one, and I certainly won't have one in my house. But it's good that they can bond over the History Channel and History Channel and Outdoor Life. His dad bought him hunting knives and a pocket knife for Christmas. I cringed, but they thought it was cool. Who am I to argue? I'm only the clueless mom right now. That's okay, I'll suffer through. My boy and his dad are learning they belong to each other, and that's a pretty damn cool thing.
And speaking of sex...
I've recently ended a relationship with a man I've dubbed, "an emotional wrecking-ball." I like to think I'm pretty intuitive when it comes to others, but I was totally blindsided this time. I believed every lie and line he handed me and let him continue with his bad behavior until I finally reached my breaking point. Do I believe he cheated on me? Yep, I do. Am I much better off without him? Oh, hell yes. I keep waiting to miss him and feel bad about the break-up, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I'm feeling pretty damn good these days.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
So Tell Me Something About Yourself...
Isn't that the most hated request known? What the hell do you want to know? I like chocolate cake. I'm a lefty. I'd rather go to bed at sunrise than wake up at sunrise.
Tell me something... Don't you wish, when you meet someone new, that you could just forgo that awkward "getting to know you" stage and just hand them a manual that says, "All You Need to Know About Me."
Yeah. I wish that all the fucking time. I took the Myers-Briggs personality test a few years ago. I retake it every once in a while, and it hasn't changed. The results? INTJ. Here is what you need to know. (And I'm going to do a lot of cut and paste, here.)
INTJs apply the criterion "Does it work?" This produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake ... INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense.
INTJs are analytical. They are most comfortable working alone and tend to be less sociable than other types. Nevertheless, they are prepared to lead if no one else seems up to the task, or if they see a major weakness in the current leadership. They tend to be pragmatic, logical, and creative. They have a low tolerance for spin or rampant emotionalism. They are not generally susceptible to catchphrases and do not recognize authority based on tradition, rank, or title.
INTJs are strong individualists who seek new angles or novel ways of looking at things. They enjoy coming to new understandings. They tend to be insightful and mentally quick; however, this mental quickness may not always be outwardly apparent to others since they keep a great deal to themselves. They are very determined people who trust their vision of the possibilities, regardless of what others think. They may even be considered the most independent of all of the sixteen personality types. INTJs are at their best in quietly and firmly developing their ideas, theories, and principles.
Hallmarks of the INTJ include independence of thought and a desire for efficiency. They work best when given autonomy and creative freedom. They harbor an innate desire to express themselves by conceptualizing their own intellectual designs. They have a talent for analyzing and formulating complex theories. INTJs are generally well-suited for occupations within academia, research, consulting, management, science, engineering, and law. They are often acutely aware of their own knowledge and abilities—as well as their limitations and what they don't know. INTJs thus develop a strong confidence in their ability and talents, making them natural leaders.
In forming relationships, INTJs tend to seek out others with similar character traits and ideologies. Agreement on theoretical concepts is an important aspect of their relationships. By nature INTJs can be demanding in their expectations, and approach relationships in a rational manner. As a result, INTJs may not always respond to a spontaneous infatuation but wait for a mate who better fits their set criteria. They tend to be stable, reliable, and dedicated. Harmony in relationships and home life tends to be extremely important to them. They generally withhold strong emotion and do not like to waste time with what they consider irrational social rituals. This may cause non-INTJs to perceive them as distant and reserved; nevertheless, INTJs are usually very loyal partners who are prepared to commit substantial energy and time into a relationship to make it work.
As mates, INTJs want harmony and order in the home and in relationships. The most independent of all types, INTJs trust their intuition when choosing friends and mates—even in spite of contradictory evidence or pressure from others. The emotions of an INTJ are hard to read, and neither male nor female INTJs are apt to express emotional reactions. At times, INTJs seem cold, reserved, and unresponsive, while in fact they are almost hypersensitive to signals of rejection from those they care for.
There you go. Me, in a nutshell.
Tell me something... Don't you wish, when you meet someone new, that you could just forgo that awkward "getting to know you" stage and just hand them a manual that says, "All You Need to Know About Me."
Yeah. I wish that all the fucking time. I took the Myers-Briggs personality test a few years ago. I retake it every once in a while, and it hasn't changed. The results? INTJ. Here is what you need to know. (And I'm going to do a lot of cut and paste, here.)
INTJs apply the criterion "Does it work?" This produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake ... INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense.
INTJs are analytical. They are most comfortable working alone and tend to be less sociable than other types. Nevertheless, they are prepared to lead if no one else seems up to the task, or if they see a major weakness in the current leadership. They tend to be pragmatic, logical, and creative. They have a low tolerance for spin or rampant emotionalism. They are not generally susceptible to catchphrases and do not recognize authority based on tradition, rank, or title.
INTJs are strong individualists who seek new angles or novel ways of looking at things. They enjoy coming to new understandings. They tend to be insightful and mentally quick; however, this mental quickness may not always be outwardly apparent to others since they keep a great deal to themselves. They are very determined people who trust their vision of the possibilities, regardless of what others think. They may even be considered the most independent of all of the sixteen personality types. INTJs are at their best in quietly and firmly developing their ideas, theories, and principles.
Hallmarks of the INTJ include independence of thought and a desire for efficiency. They work best when given autonomy and creative freedom. They harbor an innate desire to express themselves by conceptualizing their own intellectual designs. They have a talent for analyzing and formulating complex theories. INTJs are generally well-suited for occupations within academia, research, consulting, management, science, engineering, and law. They are often acutely aware of their own knowledge and abilities—as well as their limitations and what they don't know. INTJs thus develop a strong confidence in their ability and talents, making them natural leaders.
In forming relationships, INTJs tend to seek out others with similar character traits and ideologies. Agreement on theoretical concepts is an important aspect of their relationships. By nature INTJs can be demanding in their expectations, and approach relationships in a rational manner. As a result, INTJs may not always respond to a spontaneous infatuation but wait for a mate who better fits their set criteria. They tend to be stable, reliable, and dedicated. Harmony in relationships and home life tends to be extremely important to them. They generally withhold strong emotion and do not like to waste time with what they consider irrational social rituals. This may cause non-INTJs to perceive them as distant and reserved; nevertheless, INTJs are usually very loyal partners who are prepared to commit substantial energy and time into a relationship to make it work.
As mates, INTJs want harmony and order in the home and in relationships. The most independent of all types, INTJs trust their intuition when choosing friends and mates—even in spite of contradictory evidence or pressure from others. The emotions of an INTJ are hard to read, and neither male nor female INTJs are apt to express emotional reactions. At times, INTJs seem cold, reserved, and unresponsive, while in fact they are almost hypersensitive to signals of rejection from those they care for.
There you go. Me, in a nutshell.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
It's Been AGES!
Since I've posted here!
And boy, oh boy, has lots happened. Most of you follow me on Twitter, so you know all about it. But here's the new stuff.
I'll be moving in the coming months, hopefully before Christmas, but I'm not putting anything in writing. My parents bought us a house, ostensibly giving us our inheritance and when they are around to see us enjoy it. It needs work, and said work is being done, but I've other things going on in my life to devote the time that's needed to make the repairs go faster.
My dad is not 100% free of cancer, yet. YET. There is a nickel-sized shadow on his lung, and his doctor is not completely sure of what it is. There have been tests done, and the doctor is going to wait to actually SEE the tests, not just the written results. But the bottom line is, Dad is not completely done with treatments, yet. And his heart isn't as good as it was. He's have issues with fluid build up, and now, on top of everything else, he has gout. Caused by, presumably, the meds he's on. Oh joy.
My personal life has taken some hits, lately. Everyone who knows me knows I like answers to things, and recently, I don't seem to have any for what has been happening. On the bright side, I've many wonderful, supportive friends, an amazing kid, and a family that knows to let me lick my wounds in peace. I'm not okay, yet, but I'm working on it.
I'm writing again. I've no time frame for when anything will be posted. But all I have to say is, God Bless our soldiers! They've been hitting up my other blog like crazy, and my numbers are going through the roof! They keep me happy, so I'm going to do my best to keep them happy.
Love to all. Talk again soon.
And boy, oh boy, has lots happened. Most of you follow me on Twitter, so you know all about it. But here's the new stuff.
I'll be moving in the coming months, hopefully before Christmas, but I'm not putting anything in writing. My parents bought us a house, ostensibly giving us our inheritance and when they are around to see us enjoy it. It needs work, and said work is being done, but I've other things going on in my life to devote the time that's needed to make the repairs go faster.
My dad is not 100% free of cancer, yet. YET. There is a nickel-sized shadow on his lung, and his doctor is not completely sure of what it is. There have been tests done, and the doctor is going to wait to actually SEE the tests, not just the written results. But the bottom line is, Dad is not completely done with treatments, yet. And his heart isn't as good as it was. He's have issues with fluid build up, and now, on top of everything else, he has gout. Caused by, presumably, the meds he's on. Oh joy.
My personal life has taken some hits, lately. Everyone who knows me knows I like answers to things, and recently, I don't seem to have any for what has been happening. On the bright side, I've many wonderful, supportive friends, an amazing kid, and a family that knows to let me lick my wounds in peace. I'm not okay, yet, but I'm working on it.
I'm writing again. I've no time frame for when anything will be posted. But all I have to say is, God Bless our soldiers! They've been hitting up my other blog like crazy, and my numbers are going through the roof! They keep me happy, so I'm going to do my best to keep them happy.
Love to all. Talk again soon.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Quotes and Life Lessons
For the most part, I like quotes. I like browsing and reading and finding one or two that encapsulates what I think or feel or even how I behave. They remind me of who I aspire to be and where I've come from and my past mistakes and triumphs.
My Aunt, when I was sixteen, handed me a book entitled, "You Are Not The Target" by Laura Archera Huxley. Not exactly fun reading for a teen-aged girl, but then, I've never been the typical anything. What I basically got out of it were these two bits of information:
The only thing in life I can control is myself.
If I am not the cause of someone's bad mood, I'm not going to take responsibility for it.
The two statements are not direct quotes, at least I don't think they are. They've been in my head and life for so long that I feel like they are more my words than belonging to someone else.
But I do live by these two quotes. I have OCD tendencies when it comes to control, about what it is that I DO have control over. If I hear of something new, for instance, I need to know more about it. Wiki or the dictionary are my first two stops. Personal knowledge is something I can control. If I can't remember a fact or a name or a song, I'll hunt it down until I have it. A friend commented, upon leaving the house without his phone, that he would have felt more comfortable if he'd left his dick at home. I feel that level of uncomfortableness if I'm unable to look something up. That probably qualifies as a OCD tendency.
The second is a bit harder to put into practice; there are a couple people in my life who know just what buttons to push to send me over the edge, but for the most part, I tend to not react when someone is going off the deep end. I've learned to roll things off my shoulders instead of taking an insult or a snide remark personally. Who knows what day that other person is having? I like giving people the benefit of the doubt and figure they are just having a bad day. Some people are just complainers. Some people lash out when they are in pain because they don't know what else to do. I get that and tend to look for reasons for the behavior, rather than the behavior itself. I learn more about others and myself and am healthier emotionally because of it.
Not to say I'm not impulsive at times, I am. Not to say I don't react instead of thinking then acting, I do. I'm not perfect, but this is my life; I only get one, and I like to be happy.
And if you know anything at all about people with an INTJ personality, this makes perfect sense to you.
My Aunt, when I was sixteen, handed me a book entitled, "You Are Not The Target" by Laura Archera Huxley. Not exactly fun reading for a teen-aged girl, but then, I've never been the typical anything. What I basically got out of it were these two bits of information:
The only thing in life I can control is myself.
If I am not the cause of someone's bad mood, I'm not going to take responsibility for it.
The two statements are not direct quotes, at least I don't think they are. They've been in my head and life for so long that I feel like they are more my words than belonging to someone else.
But I do live by these two quotes. I have OCD tendencies when it comes to control, about what it is that I DO have control over. If I hear of something new, for instance, I need to know more about it. Wiki or the dictionary are my first two stops. Personal knowledge is something I can control. If I can't remember a fact or a name or a song, I'll hunt it down until I have it. A friend commented, upon leaving the house without his phone, that he would have felt more comfortable if he'd left his dick at home. I feel that level of uncomfortableness if I'm unable to look something up. That probably qualifies as a OCD tendency.
The second is a bit harder to put into practice; there are a couple people in my life who know just what buttons to push to send me over the edge, but for the most part, I tend to not react when someone is going off the deep end. I've learned to roll things off my shoulders instead of taking an insult or a snide remark personally. Who knows what day that other person is having? I like giving people the benefit of the doubt and figure they are just having a bad day. Some people are just complainers. Some people lash out when they are in pain because they don't know what else to do. I get that and tend to look for reasons for the behavior, rather than the behavior itself. I learn more about others and myself and am healthier emotionally because of it.
Not to say I'm not impulsive at times, I am. Not to say I don't react instead of thinking then acting, I do. I'm not perfect, but this is my life; I only get one, and I like to be happy.
And if you know anything at all about people with an INTJ personality, this makes perfect sense to you.
Monday, May 24, 2010
One Week
What a difference one week makes.
Last Monday, I found Ian's dad on Facebook. There he was, plain as day. A former co-worker had friended me there, and after thinking it over for a couple of days (and one message from her that said, "Hey, remember me...") I friended her. There he was in her Friends list, in plain sight.
I debated - Do I? Don't I? Should I? I was praying for civility but expecting a brush off when I clicked the send button on the short message I composed. The message consisted of... "Hi. It's been a while since we've talked. (Read ten years.) I'd really appreciate it if we could talk soon." That was it. The message.
I got my boy ready for his baseball game, and we didn't get home until close to 8:30 that night. To find five messages from his dad, asking me to contact me. Here is my cell number. Here is my home number.
While I was reading his messages, he opened up a chat in Facebook and said hello. I was literally shaking in my chair. We talked. I cried. Ian was in the living room watching television and I was in the kitchen speaking to his dad. He asked me to call him after I put Ian to bed, and I said I would. We talked for three hours.
On Tuesday, I spoke with Chris during the day. He'd talked to his daughter about Ian, and they both wanted to speak with Ian on the phone. They called that night. Ian is over the moon. He's really, really handling this well, but I think he's a bit shell-shocked, to be honest. I spoke with Chris, then handed the phone to Ian. While he was talking to his dad, Chris' daughter Kylie found me on FB and friended me then started chatting with me, asking if Ian had a FB page, and would I make him one so they could talk. Ian asked to speak to his sister, so Chris and I started chatting on FB. Later, before bed, I was speaking again to Chris on the phone and Ian brought my laptop into my room, where he was chatting with his sister. It was one of the most surreal moments in my life.
On Wednesday, Chris and Kylie showed up at Ian's baseball game. Chris and I had planned on going out to dinner on Friday, so we could see each other and I could emotionally prepare myself for Chris and Ian meeting. But Kylie was to be with her mom this weekend, and she didn't want her dad to meet her brother before she got the chance to. Again, I shook. I had to work the concession stand that night, and it was a darn good thing - I needed the distraction. They came back to the house after the game, and Ian and Kylie were as thick as thieves. For our part, it felt like those ten years disappeared, like we were never apart. I don't know how that happened, but it just did.
On Thursday there was another phone call. On Friday there was dinner and drinks for Chris and I. We talked. We connected. We talked some more. He came back to the house and we watched a movie with Ian and my sister. Ian asked his dad to sleep over, and he agreed. (He and I had already agreed.) Chris helped me put Ian to bed. In the morning, they played Wii. That night, Chris came to dinner. He brought new smoke alarms for the house, ingredients for a sausage dip for my sister to try, and a WWII book and Playstation 2 game for Ian.
On Sunday, Chris called me at 9:30 in the morning, asking if I would bring Ian over for the day. I didn't pick him up until almost 8:00 that night.
In one week, Ian went from never seeing his dad to having one, to meeting and hanging out with a sister he never knew about (I'd told him, but he didn't remember), to making camping plans and being given a new bike (Chris bought Ian a new bike because all the kids on his street were riding theirs and Ian didn't have one) and the hint that he might be getting a gun for Christmas.
In one week, I went from being a single mom raising a child on her own, worrying and wondering and hoping and dreading the day Ian would meet his dad, to being amazed at learning all the mannerisms my son has that come from his dad, knowing he looks even more like his sister than I thought possible, to knowing that I'm no longer his only parent. To realizing all the forms that now have to be filled out with Chris' information for the next school year...
One fucking week has changed my life forever.
Last Monday, I found Ian's dad on Facebook. There he was, plain as day. A former co-worker had friended me there, and after thinking it over for a couple of days (and one message from her that said, "Hey, remember me...") I friended her. There he was in her Friends list, in plain sight.
I debated - Do I? Don't I? Should I? I was praying for civility but expecting a brush off when I clicked the send button on the short message I composed. The message consisted of... "Hi. It's been a while since we've talked. (Read ten years.) I'd really appreciate it if we could talk soon." That was it. The message.
I got my boy ready for his baseball game, and we didn't get home until close to 8:30 that night. To find five messages from his dad, asking me to contact me. Here is my cell number. Here is my home number.
While I was reading his messages, he opened up a chat in Facebook and said hello. I was literally shaking in my chair. We talked. I cried. Ian was in the living room watching television and I was in the kitchen speaking to his dad. He asked me to call him after I put Ian to bed, and I said I would. We talked for three hours.
On Tuesday, I spoke with Chris during the day. He'd talked to his daughter about Ian, and they both wanted to speak with Ian on the phone. They called that night. Ian is over the moon. He's really, really handling this well, but I think he's a bit shell-shocked, to be honest. I spoke with Chris, then handed the phone to Ian. While he was talking to his dad, Chris' daughter Kylie found me on FB and friended me then started chatting with me, asking if Ian had a FB page, and would I make him one so they could talk. Ian asked to speak to his sister, so Chris and I started chatting on FB. Later, before bed, I was speaking again to Chris on the phone and Ian brought my laptop into my room, where he was chatting with his sister. It was one of the most surreal moments in my life.
On Wednesday, Chris and Kylie showed up at Ian's baseball game. Chris and I had planned on going out to dinner on Friday, so we could see each other and I could emotionally prepare myself for Chris and Ian meeting. But Kylie was to be with her mom this weekend, and she didn't want her dad to meet her brother before she got the chance to. Again, I shook. I had to work the concession stand that night, and it was a darn good thing - I needed the distraction. They came back to the house after the game, and Ian and Kylie were as thick as thieves. For our part, it felt like those ten years disappeared, like we were never apart. I don't know how that happened, but it just did.
On Thursday there was another phone call. On Friday there was dinner and drinks for Chris and I. We talked. We connected. We talked some more. He came back to the house and we watched a movie with Ian and my sister. Ian asked his dad to sleep over, and he agreed. (He and I had already agreed.) Chris helped me put Ian to bed. In the morning, they played Wii. That night, Chris came to dinner. He brought new smoke alarms for the house, ingredients for a sausage dip for my sister to try, and a WWII book and Playstation 2 game for Ian.
On Sunday, Chris called me at 9:30 in the morning, asking if I would bring Ian over for the day. I didn't pick him up until almost 8:00 that night.
In one week, Ian went from never seeing his dad to having one, to meeting and hanging out with a sister he never knew about (I'd told him, but he didn't remember), to making camping plans and being given a new bike (Chris bought Ian a new bike because all the kids on his street were riding theirs and Ian didn't have one) and the hint that he might be getting a gun for Christmas.
In one week, I went from being a single mom raising a child on her own, worrying and wondering and hoping and dreading the day Ian would meet his dad, to being amazed at learning all the mannerisms my son has that come from his dad, knowing he looks even more like his sister than I thought possible, to knowing that I'm no longer his only parent. To realizing all the forms that now have to be filled out with Chris' information for the next school year...
One fucking week has changed my life forever.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Too Good To Be True... Or Is It?
I took my son to my parents today for a visit with my mom for Mother's Day. While she was opening her cards, she reached out, swatted my dad on the arm and said, "Tell her the good news."
Late last year my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was a small lesion on the perimeter of his upper, left lobe that grew before treatment could begin. He was initially told he wasn't a candidate for surgery, but a different doctor told him he was. The day before he was to be operated on, he was told the surgery was canceled; his other medical conditions made surgery too risky. An entire month had been wasted on tests and x-rays only to have the same conclusion drawn. A month when he could have been receiving treatment but was instead becoming more and more stressed out.
In the end, the month wasn't entirely wasted; we learned of another condition that my father had that we had to worry about. Luckily, it's a treatable condition.
So, my mom swatted my dad, and my dad turned to me, smiled, and began telling me that he'd an appointment today with his doctor at the cancer center to review the x-rays that had been taken on Monday. In the radiologist's report it was noted that the tumor appeared to have been removed surgically. No more tumor. NO MORE TUMOR!!
This was only the preliminary report. My dad will have more tests, including an MRI and PET Scan.
My dad hadn't been a candidate for surgery, the best course of treatment for cancer. Neither had he been a candidate for chemotherapy. He was left with radiation. Not the best option, but the best one available to him. And it worked!
I cried when he told me. I cried when I called my sister to tell her and cried harder when she started crying. I hugged my dad and cried. I hugged my mom and we cried together.
Any one of us could die at any moment, for any reason. Just because my dad is, for the moment, cancer free does not mean his other health issues can be brushed aside. But it means that, for this moment at least, that my dad will not be dying of cancer.
Thank you, Jesus, for hearing and answering our prayers. I owe ya.
Late last year my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was a small lesion on the perimeter of his upper, left lobe that grew before treatment could begin. He was initially told he wasn't a candidate for surgery, but a different doctor told him he was. The day before he was to be operated on, he was told the surgery was canceled; his other medical conditions made surgery too risky. An entire month had been wasted on tests and x-rays only to have the same conclusion drawn. A month when he could have been receiving treatment but was instead becoming more and more stressed out.
In the end, the month wasn't entirely wasted; we learned of another condition that my father had that we had to worry about. Luckily, it's a treatable condition.
So, my mom swatted my dad, and my dad turned to me, smiled, and began telling me that he'd an appointment today with his doctor at the cancer center to review the x-rays that had been taken on Monday. In the radiologist's report it was noted that the tumor appeared to have been removed surgically. No more tumor. NO MORE TUMOR!!
This was only the preliminary report. My dad will have more tests, including an MRI and PET Scan.
My dad hadn't been a candidate for surgery, the best course of treatment for cancer. Neither had he been a candidate for chemotherapy. He was left with radiation. Not the best option, but the best one available to him. And it worked!
I cried when he told me. I cried when I called my sister to tell her and cried harder when she started crying. I hugged my dad and cried. I hugged my mom and we cried together.
Any one of us could die at any moment, for any reason. Just because my dad is, for the moment, cancer free does not mean his other health issues can be brushed aside. But it means that, for this moment at least, that my dad will not be dying of cancer.
Thank you, Jesus, for hearing and answering our prayers. I owe ya.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
On Belief...
I was born and raised a Catholic. I'm raising my son as a Catholic, as well. Am I religious? Not especially, no. Do I believe and follow everything the Catholic Church teaches? Outside of religious doctrine - no. The purpose of the papacy, for example was to continue spreading the word of Jesus throughout the world. And throughout the last two thousand years (making it the world's oldest organization), it has done precisely that. By far, I believe the Catholic Church has done far more good than bad for the world.
The church's main job, in my opinion, is to continue teaching the world about Jesus. Along the way, it felt itself important enough to tell us how to live our lives. In as how to live the way Christ wants us to live, yes, that should be included. The Church points to the Ten Commandments, first. But if you look at almost every civilization, no matter where and when on the world time line, there is a code of conduct that every civilization followed. Don't kill. Respect your elders. Don't take what isn't yours, and don't want what isn't yours to the point it's going to make you do something stupid - either be content with what you have or work harder for something more. Does it say premarital sex is bad? No, it says honor your commitments. Does it say birth control is wrong? No. And I am sure there have been methods of birth control being practiced since women learned to walk and talk.
However, lest us forget, the Catholic organization is made up of men, and no man is perfect. There have been married popes, warrior popes and just plain bad popes. There have been horrific atrocities - the Crusades and Spanish Inquisition, to name but a few. Regarding the sexual abuse scandals being made around the world, what these men did is horrible, it is wrong, and the Church should own up to it's responsibility. Is it the Church's fault that some priests are pedophiles? No, it is not. It is wrong to let them stay in positions of trust, however. These abuses did not start in the 20th century. The only difference between now and five hundred years ago is that now people are no longer afraid of protecting themselves instead of the Church and are pointing fingers at priests for their wrongdoing.
It is hard to teach my son to respect the Church when it has lost so much respect for itself, but I still believe in the religion it teaches. I still believe in the sanctity of Sunday mass and the sacraments of penance and communion. The reason that Easter is my favorite holiday is because it is the most important in the Catholic religion - it is the reason for its very existence. The joy, the solemnity and the power of Christ all come together on Easter Sunday.
But I remind myself and my son that no one is perfect and everyone, including priests and even Popes, can and do, make mistakes. The words accountability and responsibility are big in my home. My son knows what they mean and how they should shape is actions and decisions. It's been a long time since I talked with my cousin, a Catholic priest, about his years in the seminary. They teach what the job of a priest is, but I wonder how much time is spent on HOW to do the job; how to hold yourself accountable, how to self-discipline yourself. How do you reaffirm and re-evaluate the choices you've made. Do priests now get continuing education? Do they still participate in retreats? I don't know. But I think it's important to find out. It is good to be held accountable for your actions. It's what the Catholic church teaches, after all. Self-determination.
And I'm still a Catholic.
The church's main job, in my opinion, is to continue teaching the world about Jesus. Along the way, it felt itself important enough to tell us how to live our lives. In as how to live the way Christ wants us to live, yes, that should be included. The Church points to the Ten Commandments, first. But if you look at almost every civilization, no matter where and when on the world time line, there is a code of conduct that every civilization followed. Don't kill. Respect your elders. Don't take what isn't yours, and don't want what isn't yours to the point it's going to make you do something stupid - either be content with what you have or work harder for something more. Does it say premarital sex is bad? No, it says honor your commitments. Does it say birth control is wrong? No. And I am sure there have been methods of birth control being practiced since women learned to walk and talk.
However, lest us forget, the Catholic organization is made up of men, and no man is perfect. There have been married popes, warrior popes and just plain bad popes. There have been horrific atrocities - the Crusades and Spanish Inquisition, to name but a few. Regarding the sexual abuse scandals being made around the world, what these men did is horrible, it is wrong, and the Church should own up to it's responsibility. Is it the Church's fault that some priests are pedophiles? No, it is not. It is wrong to let them stay in positions of trust, however. These abuses did not start in the 20th century. The only difference between now and five hundred years ago is that now people are no longer afraid of protecting themselves instead of the Church and are pointing fingers at priests for their wrongdoing.
It is hard to teach my son to respect the Church when it has lost so much respect for itself, but I still believe in the religion it teaches. I still believe in the sanctity of Sunday mass and the sacraments of penance and communion. The reason that Easter is my favorite holiday is because it is the most important in the Catholic religion - it is the reason for its very existence. The joy, the solemnity and the power of Christ all come together on Easter Sunday.
But I remind myself and my son that no one is perfect and everyone, including priests and even Popes, can and do, make mistakes. The words accountability and responsibility are big in my home. My son knows what they mean and how they should shape is actions and decisions. It's been a long time since I talked with my cousin, a Catholic priest, about his years in the seminary. They teach what the job of a priest is, but I wonder how much time is spent on HOW to do the job; how to hold yourself accountable, how to self-discipline yourself. How do you reaffirm and re-evaluate the choices you've made. Do priests now get continuing education? Do they still participate in retreats? I don't know. But I think it's important to find out. It is good to be held accountable for your actions. It's what the Catholic church teaches, after all. Self-determination.
And I'm still a Catholic.
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