Online Friends vs. 'Real Life' Friends

I have friends and a sister who differentiate between online friends and real life friends, as if talking to someone through E-mails and IM and Twitter makes the person on the opposite end somehow less of a person or less real.

My sister, for instance, does not believe you can have a true friendship with someone who isn't physically standing before you. I think she's full of shit. There are certain things that make a friendship, and honesty and the ability to share yourself are key.

I tend to share more personal details of my life when someone isn't in front of me. I don't know if it's the Catholic upbringing and telling my sins to the priest in a confessional or something else, but it is easier for me to say, "I wrote a great piece of porn last night for my story" to my friends online than I can to my best friend who lives only a couple miles away. Am I worried about her reaction to this bit of news? Ehm, not really. She's my best friend, she won't judge me. I'm more concerned she will read it and get ideas of what my sex life might be like! To be truthful, I don't really think I want to sit there and watch her eyes go all glassy and unfocused. Can I tell my best friend Jeannie, whom I've yet to meet in person but whom I've talked to through chat thousands of times and have talked on the phone with about the great bit of smut? Oh, hell yeah! She'll send it back to me with corrections and additions, as well.

But even more important than the ability to share with someone who isn't in front of me is the ability to see the bigger picture. I'm not, for the most part, a detail oriented person. I don't like looking at the itty, bitty details in my life. I know what is there and what isn't. I can look at my five friends whom I've met online, and say, "These people are really important to me. I would miss them if they left my life. I would go to them if they needed me. The only reason I'm not with them now is because they don't life close to me."

Perhaps it is because I don't believe that a person I've met online is any more or less likely to lie to me than if I've met them in person. A serial killer in person won't look like a serial killer, but you've more of a chance of being killed by running into one in person than you do if you've met one online. I think everyone mixes lies and truth, whether over a table at a restaurant or over laptops at kitchen tables. And in most cases, you see what you want to see, regardless of where one is sitting.

Personally, I'm of the opinion that I can have a long, sustained relationship with someone I've met online. For thousands of years, people have been exchanging letters without ever having met. The history books are filled with relationships that have been carried out in them. In this day of texting and instant messaging and Twitter, not to mention Skype, what is the difference between an E-mail and a letter?

My sister says that a letter is more thoughtful, it is from the heart. I'm of the opinion that the longer it takes to write a letter, the more it is untruthful, for you've had time to phrase a sentence just so, to chose your words oh, so carefully, to portray that exact emotion or moment as you want. I'm not implying that all letters are lies, just the opportunity to smooth over the rough spots or... well, yes, to lie. While to the same extent, you can do the same in an E-mail, for the vast majority of personal E-mails sent every day, usually someone is on the other end waiting for you to hit Send. There isn't always time to chose that perfect word. It might be a bit cruder, but it is no less honest or dishonest.

Will there come a time where remaining online friends won't be enough, that I'll need to meet them in person? Yes. I've met one, already. Michelle. I flew across the country to meet her. Worth every mile. I'm meeting another next month, at her house. Jeannie, who makes me laugh like crazy. If I were ever to have an older sister, I'd want it to be her. Two more live one state away. I figure, if I plan it right, I may be able to spend time with both of them. The last one? Best saved for another time. Maybe.