I'm Annoyed

For the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be annoyed.  I'm going to be cranky and short-tempered and impatient.

Thirteen years ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). It was confirmed by MRI with my very first exacerbation. At that time, I was told I've a very mild case and in all likelihood, if I didn't tell anyone I have it, no one would guess. And in thirteen years, I've had four exacerbations. Four in thirteen years is a damn fine track record, let me tell you.

The first time, the right side of my face was partially numb. At first, my doctor thought it was Bells Palsy and referred me to a neurologist, where I was diagnosed with the MS. But that was it, just my face. Scary, to be sure. But it didn't hurt. It's not like I lost muscle use. It just felt like Novacain that hadn't totally worn off.

The second "flare up," as I call it, was the worst. I made it worse by freaking out about it, to be honest. My left leg was affected that time. I could still walk, it just felt weak and a little heavier than normal. I didn't notice anything was wrong until I went to pick up my foot to tie my shoe and I kept missing the handrail I was aiming for. (At the time, I worked in a health care facility where handrails were abundant). Four days later the ball of my left foot was a little numb, my shin was tingling, and I was a basket case. I was on neurological pain meds, sleeping pills and steroids. I swore I would never be like that again.

 Since then, I've learned how to manage and control myself. I no longer get mad at my body for not being able to keep up. I know I'll not be able to do marathon shopping sprees. I can't window shop. Other than that, not much stops me.

The third flare up affected my leg again, milder than the previous one. I didn't even see the neurologist. I didn't miss time from work.

This time is a little different because something new is involved, my arms. Let me stress this again. I've a very, VERY mild case. I'm typing, for instance. A small portion of my right hand feels slightly numb. My left arm feels a little weak. What I'm having a harder time with is fatigue, the most common and debilitating affect of MS. I'm tired. I'm really, really tired. In the past it's felt like I'd worked a 16-hr. shift by 10:00 am. I've been afraid to drive. This isn't as bad as that, but I'm tired.

What do I do? I rest. I have my books and my iPod and laptop and my bed and my recliner. I sometimes sleep, but mostly I read. I relax. Is this what I want to do? Fuck no. It's gorgeous outside! I want to start cleaning the flower beds. I want to clean the lawn furniture. I want to hose off the balcony. There are a thousand things I'd rather do than kick back in the recliner.

Had this happened in January, I'd have been happier than a pig in shit, so to speak. I'd have an excuse to stay put! Now, I'm irritated.

I know in a couple of weeks I'll feel fine, again. Until then, I'm not going to be quite myself.

You've been warned. ;)

me

PS. If you follow me on Twitter and start treating me differently, I'm going to unfollow your ass.